What thoughts
does the word “Mother” invoke in you?
She
nurtures.
She has unconditional love.
She is patient.
She is always there.
She is wise.
She is protective.
She listens.
She comforts.
How about:
She
left.
She drank.
She yelled.
She ran around.
She shamed.
She wasn’t there for me.
She pushed me away.
She fell apart.
She was in my face.
She was messed up.
Was your
mother all light? Was she all shadow? Most likely, she was a mixture
of the two, just like all humans.
I know from
myself as a mother-in-training (twelve years on the job but still in
orientation!) that some days I’m so close to being perfect that the
halo is almost visible above my head and the phone just about rings to
let me know that the world is ready to recognize my greatness by
awarding me the title Mother of the Year.
But before the
halo can come to full circle or the phone turns its electromagnetic
signals into sound, I have already swung over to feeling totally
inadequate, being downright mean, sensing myself as lost and
unavailable.
Sounds
familiar?
If you have
unresolved issues with your mom, or with yourself as a mom (which
really is the same thing), get to work right now. If you heal this one
aspect of your life, I believe everything else will become a lot
easier.
What’s the
gain?
You will
recognize that you have full rights to be here on Earth. You will
improve your self-image, recognize your self-worth and learn to love
yourself unconditionally.
Whatever your
mother couldn’t instill in you when you were supposed to be the
Supreme Being of your Universe (i.e., in infancy and toddlerhood) can
be repaired. You can restore your importance, your perfection, your
lovability. And because of this, you will then be able to allow others
around you to be important, perfect just as they are, and lovable.
“But how do
I do it?” you ask.
First of all,
allow for your mom to be neither angel nor devil, but human. Choose to
remember some of the good, or some of the bad, whichever you are
denying from your experience. If there is pain, be with it. Recall
being born or being one, two, five years of age—whenever the pain
originated. Spend time with your child-self and, in your mind, give it
everything it needs.
To make it
easier to connect with this child, you may want to choose an object to
represent her or him. Choose something that invokes gentle feelings
for you; something you can hold easily in your palm. It can be a
tumbled crystal such as rose quartz or moonstone. It can be a feather,
an acorn, or simply a picture of yourself.
When you feel
like throwing a tantrum, when your loved ones seem to be out to get
you, or when you get into power struggles with your kids or parents,
recognize that your inner child feels threatened. Recognize that she
or he is reacting from a child’s perspective, which then manifests
in your (re)actions. Recognize that your inner child needs comforting
and reassurance before you can take charge and handle the situation
like an adult.
Take out the
object of your tender, protective love. Hold it close to your heart.
Tell the child it’s okay, that she or he is safe. You are in charge
and you will take care of everything.
With this
simple experiment, you may find that the “childish” emotions,
reactions and anxieties dissipate. You’ll knee-jerk a lot less, and
enjoy yourself and your relationships—including ones with your
mother and children—a lot more.
It may take
some coercing before your inner child relaxes and trusts you, but keep
reassuring him or her. You may also consider taking flower essences
such as: Mariposa Lily, a general remedy for instilling positive
mother archetype; Pomegranate, for resolving conflict about the mother
role; Scarlet Monkeyflower, for power plays and repressed anger
between mother and child; or Milkweed, to heal extreme dependency and
emotional regression.
Another
surefire healing tool: touch Mother Earth. Take off your shoes and
feel her nourishing energy. Ground yourself by imagining that you have
grown roots and that all you need comes through the soles of your
feet. Get down on your knees and run your hands and fingers through
the soil. Feel the richness and
warmth of Mother Earth. Understand that she is always
there for you—on Mother’s Day, and every day. Plant some flowers
and celebrate!
Eva
Nagy
is certified in Touch for Health Kinesiology. She owns Eva’s Clean
Cuisine, a business devoted to holistic nutrition. Find out what might
be causing your chronic fatigue at www.chefeva.com/report.html
Email: evanagy@mtaonline.net
