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Working
with Addiction
by Jackie Kosednar
Am I
addicted when what I want
becomes what I have to have? |
Are there substances, things or people in your life you have to
have on a regular basis? What or who would cause you emotional
agitation and upset to lose or not have? It could be as simple as your
morning coffee or as complicated as an affair you can't give up even
through it could destroy your family. The substance, thing, or person
we are looking to for bliss can have more control over us than we do.
Addictions are based on loss. If you have an addiction, chances are
that at some time you had a great sense of loss and separation from
God that deeply affected your self-esteem. The greater the loss, the
more severe the addiction, such as a person who loses their innocence
from sexual abuse and, over the years, eats herself into health
problems to bury the shame. In the process of avoiding feeling we can
destroy the self or the body that houses the self, blindly trying to
destroy the pain that sits below the surface always trying to come up
for healing. No matter how hard we try, it seems we can never quite
fill the hole left by trauma or enjoy our inherent natural sense of
bliss.
A child naturally feels connected, for wholeness (connection) gives
a continuous sense of fulfillment and joy. A child can have a tantrum
one minute and be laughing and happy the next, fully present with his
or her feelings. As the child is traumatized by abuse, the pain may
become too big. The child may begin to shut down to his or her natural
joy (God). In the separation from natural joy and the loss of
self-esteem that abuse creates, we begin to look outside for something
to relieve the pain and restore the bliss.
Unfortunately, we have an addictive society. Nearly everyone has an
abuse problem. People abuse each other and then reach for something to
stop the guilt, shame and pain. Mass media marketing offers us a
myriad of things to buy or use in order to avoid unpleasant feelings,
though most of these products only lead us into more addiction. When
we avoid our feelings, they build in intensity. We are programmed to
avoid bad feelings. Prescription drug commercials offer us ways out of
feeling. These drugs are socially acceptable but emotionally or
physically addictive none the less. From tennis shoes to video games,
the message comes across - "Feel good all the time: buy our
product."
Even if you don't have a chemical problem like cocaine or coffee,
you could be addicted to TV, shopping, food, sex, video games, a
person, place, religion, or just "being right." We all have
false Gods. Even religion can be a false God if you use religion to
get power over others or avoid feelings.
With every addiction, even religious addiction, there is a sense of
separation from God. Addiction is always a spiritual issue. This is
why Alcoholics Anonymous is so effective. AA helps people remember
their natural connection to God, a connection that restores the
natural sense of goodness, bliss and fulfillment. (AA principles will
work on any addiction not just severe chemical problems.)
Anything that allows us to avoid feelings could become an
obsession. Most addictions are rooted in our very way of being. Active
addiction destroys self-esteem. Held in secret, shame eats away at the
self like a parasite; it takes all your nutrition (esteem) and you
become malnourished and weak (no self-control). Even small addictions
we don't own up to can ruin self-esteem because the 'need"
constantly tells us we are weak. We try to stop but we have to have it
(or feelings come up) so we can't stop. It looks as if we have no
self-control.
Even though society encourages addiction and will help you become
addicted, we still view addicted people as broken. (Obviously they had
to be weak to be broken.) Over the last 20 years, however, this view
has been changing. More people have come out of the closet about their
trauma-based addictions. When shame, pain, fear and separation are
faced up to and worked through, addiction dissolves and self-esteem
rises.
In a spiritually healthy person, self-esteem is high. Loss is
integrated easily because there is a natural sense of fullness. In a
healthy garden, you can pick all the flower blooms one day and a few
days later the flowers start to bloom again even more profusely.
Healthy people are fulfilled and healthy at the core. They feel they
are enough, have enough, do enough. They don't avoid their feelings.
They feel them and move on. In that way, they don't accumulate. There
is a natural sense of fullness (God) in their lives. People or things
moving out of their lives don't destroy them.
Clearing the abuse and trauma from our souls can be challenging,
but at the same time very fulfilling. Developing self-control gives a
great feeling of accomplishment. The first step is to stop avoiding
our feelings. Next, we need to clear the old pain and traumas out of
our mind and body. This can be accomplished in many different ways. AA
meetings are effective, as are emotional release techniques such as
rebirthing, drumming, a good seminar or counseling sessions, NLP, some
forms of kinesiology or martial arts workouts. Sometimes, in the
process of changing your mind, emotional charge is transmuted or
transcended, such as when you forgive someone.
Taking a good look at what you believe causes your constant upset
is helpful. Working through feelings instead of numbing them can
change your life. Accepting the fact that life isn't supposed to
always feel good no matter what illusions mass media creates puts you
into realistic expectations and emotional intelligence.
The simple process of conscious awareness of God -- moment by
moment turning to our higher power through simple prayer -- also turns
on the inner light and fills us. The more we work to clear our
addictions, the less our children will inherit them. Thus, the more
society ceases to be addictive.
Jackie Kosednar is a holistic practitioner in private
practice specializing in spiritual counseling, personal growth
seminars, and energy work on the bio-electical field. She is the
publisher of Alaska Wellness magazine and author of the book, "One
Miracle After Another."
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The
Curse of Being Right
by Jackie Kosednar
In some
of us, the obsession to be right can
become a disease, alienating us from everyone
and making us very lonely people. |
Being right can be a real curse, especially when you know you're
right but no one takes your advice. A beloved friend or family member
could have avoided so much unhappiness if only he or she had listened
to you!
Most people have to do it their own way. We all need to make our
own mistakes, after all. We will plow right ahead, making big messes
in our lives, in spite of expert advice. Sometimes we can't learn any
other way except to mess it all up - that's human.
In that light, we often do others a disservice by not letting them
fall. Big lessons come right before a leap into higher-quality life.
These life lessons develop skills we didn't know we had -- and, in
order to learn them, we have to get out of the mess we created by
being wrong. So, avoid the curse of being right -- don't take it
personally when no one takes your advice.
The Nature of the Curse
The human mind has an automatic need to justify -- to explain and
understand everything in order to feel safe. When we feel afraid, we
often lie, blame and justify automatically. The brain gathers data
from internal memory banks or the outside world to back up our
position and make us right. The brain ignores, or deletes evidence
that doesn't support its position. It makes assumptions based on its
programming and tells us this is right or this is true
and we believe it. Imagine how out of whack you might become if your
self-esteem felt in jeopardy all the time because of unconscious fears
and unfinished business.
In some ways, the brain has a point. Being right can solve the
basic problems of optimum survival. To be right is to be powerful.
Primitive man depended heavily on his instincts to stay alive. In the
jungle, if he walked under the wrong tree he could be dinner for a
large cat or fatally bitten by a snake. If he was wrong, he died - if
he was right, he survived. The person with the knack for being right
became the leader. Hence, the need for power and authority figures
when we can't figure out what's right.
Trouble is, the brain doesn't know we are not in the jungle and
that this is the twenty-first century. We still get a feeling of power
(life) when we feel right and shame (failure, death, and shutdown) if
we feel wrong. How can this not affect our health?
The curse of being right often messes up our relationships with
others by creating unnecessary conflicts. The choice becomes do we
want to be right or do we want to be happy, loved, and at peace? Much
of the time, we choose to let the power surge of I'm right blow
off the finer energies of peace and unconditional love. In some of us,
the obsession to be right can become a disease, alienating us from
everyone and making us very lonely people. We skillfully learn to make
others wrong and sacrifice love for power -- the old it's my way or
the highway mentality. This dynamic helps create the high level of
heart disease we see all around us.
Addicted to Being Right
Because it feels so powerful to be right, we can get addicted to
it, especially if we have ever felt wronged (unworthy, not good
enough) at our core. Noticing all of the power plays, subtle attacks
and manipulation we do in an effort to maintain our rightness can give
us a clue as to how much fear people really carry.
What compounds the problem is our mass belief in punishment. It we
are right, we are proud and get a reward. If we are wrong, we get
punished and shamed. We were indoctrinated into this system when our
parents used it to control us as children. It is how power and
authority figures, governments and religions continue to control us.
We keep the game going to control ourselves through inner voices and
feelings as well. Notice that critical voice in your head that tries
to whip you into shape, or picks out all of the flaws in others,
making them wrong to get that little bit of a power surge.
If you had more punishment than reward as a child, you may feel a
very strong need to blame, shame and justify. We create feelings of
righteousness in an effort to avoid the feeling of being wrong.
Another part of the dilemma is the false mass-mind belief of a
universal Right Way. Thinking our way is the Right Way leads to
believing our opponent's way is the wrong way. This is the cause of
all war. We attack others, then gather criteria and evidence to prove
our way is the best, right, correct and true way, which then justifies
the attack.
Whenever we have to justify our behavior, we are on shaky ground.
Why? Our brains are totally biased on our behalf. Believing everything
our brain tells us can have grave consequences.
We are taught to fight for what's right and feel vindicated because
we do. This part of the Curse extends itself to group dynamics when
our group believes we are the right group, the chosen group, the most
socially acceptable group. Think of the terrorist who believes he is
working for God, but missed the little of piece of information that
runs through all religions - God is love. Humans have to delete that
information to make war in God's name.
The Right to be Wrong
The truth is that everyone has a right to be wrong. We all have a
right to our opinions. The trouble is that everyone believes the brain
when it says, Our opinion is the right opinion because it feels right,
looks right, and sounds right so it must be right! But if
everyone is right, who is wrong?
We stay at war when we get caught up in thinking that our opinions
really matter. It takes an emotionally intelligent person to see that
it's really okay to be wrong. Our self-image won't collapse if we are
wrong. As a matter of fact, some of the best lessons we learn are when
we take a big fall.
Life grants us the right to make mistakes and encourages us to do
so. If that wasn't the case, mistakes would be rare and we wouldn't
need forgiveness when our mistakes encroach on other people's
territory.
Our personal growth, health and quality of life expand when we give
up the curse, lay down our sword and start to respect others
(including their opinions) unconditionally. We all have a right to
form our own opinions and live with them. It is very kind to let
others be right. In fact, the words "you're right" can put a
person into bliss, and from their perspective they are right.
We can develop a mental witness state where there is room between
us and the world of data, assumptions, opinions and beliefs that our
brain continuously feeds us. Create a space by pausing to weigh
whether being right matters or not. Ask yourself if you are operating
out of assumptions or facts. Assumptions are never based on fact;
rather, they are based on evidence your limited brain has gathered.
Ignore assumptions. Realize that if it doesn't matter, you don't
need to go there. In this way, you will create more peace, vision and
true safety in life instead of adding to conflict and wasting a lot of
energy in defending your opinions. Make it a habit not to believe your
brain. Understand that your brain is just a machine. Like your
computer, it can only give back to you what you have programmed into
it -- be it data, software or hardware.
It is all just programming.
Jackie Kosednar is a psycho-spiritual therapist, personal
growth trainer, and the publisher of Alaska Wellness Magazine.
She is also the author of the book "One Miracle After
Another." See: www.healingtoby.com
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The
Power of Influence
Jackie
Kosednar
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The
more you know who you are, the more you know who you are
not, and the less you can be unconsciously influenced.
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To
get an expanded perspective of life, we can view it as a game. What
shapes our movement through the game are opportunities, obstacles
and influences. As we play, opportunities for good present
themselves. We move
toward them or not and along comes obstacles (problems) that can
stop or change our movement. To keep us moving, we are subject to
influences that push us in this direction or that—almost like a
dance. Influences are energetic and powerfully important to shape
our life. For good or for ill, who would you be now without the
influence of your mother and father?
Most
of us are unaware of exactly what influences us. But, influences are
everywhere--from Astrology and the effects the moon and other
planets have on our life to a beloved teacher who helped us believe
in ourselves, turning our lives in a totally new direction. Look at
the influence the September 11th event had on all of our
lives!
Influences
are powerful because they can change us so dramatically. When we are
surrounded by good influences, we thrive. They move us forward,
pointing out our opportunities and helping us overcome our
obstacles. When influences are negative (as in a verbally abusive
relationship), we have to rebel to maintain our balance. Influences
can also change: the forces we once loved and were so positive for
us may now be destructive.
The
Age of Information
One
of the big problems of living in this fast-paced age of information
is that we are constantly bombarded with bundles of advertising,
social and government propaganda and other undesirable information.
All of this can influence us and our children in ways we
don’t want.
Influences
can be complicated and subliminally subtle or overt and painfully
obvious. Sometimes it
is hard to comprehend just how influenced we really are. If we are
unaware of the media’s influence, it will dictate what products we
buy, our politics, our behavior, even the way we feel about
ourselves. Advertisers use every trick in the book to get us to use
their products, from guilt to promises of pleasure. We are trained
early in life to be good consumers.
As
parents, we spend a lot of time trying to keep bad influences away
from our children and promote good ones. Anyone who has ever raised
a teenager knows what little influence we can have and how
controlled they can be by peer groups and the need to be accepted.
This influence can drive them to suicide or success.
Modern teenagers mean big money to industries that cater to
looking good and being cool. Music (a universal influence for us
all) can have a tremendous impact on a young person’s life.
Concerns about the sexual content of modern music are very real, for
music is one of the most powerful programmers in shaping the values
of teenage America.
The
media influence bombards us with information that is false,
unpleasant, stress producing, pornographic and generally bad for our
health. It can get as tense as we want, from horror movies and
sexually explicit ads to war coverage and other shocking material.
Think for a moment how much time you spend reading the paper,
watching television or movies, listening to the radio, and deleting
junk email or those annoying pop up menus advertising something on
your computer. How much of our modern anxiety is produced by the
media? How much does this mass consciousness influence our lives?
Even
if most of us weren’t in a mild state of hypnosis all day long, it
would be impossible to fight the influence of all the programming
continuously entering our brains and the brains of our children. It
was easy when the kids were little and wanted to watch Barney
or Sesame Street. We felt
good because these shows taught our kids to read and count, have
manners and values. The
older our kids get, however, the less control we have and the more
other influences can take over. Unfortunately, media influence often
pushes corroded values that are not in the best interest of our
children, ourselves or even our world.
What
to do about it
We
can’t solve a problem if we don’t know it is there. As we become
aware of all the influences around us, all the time, we can begin
making conscious choices. We needn’t blindly obey power and
authority figures, especially those that stink of corruption.
We can stop believing the media. We can let go of old heroes
and find healthier ones or, better yet, become our own hero. As we
become aware of influences, we can choose not to be controlled.
Awareness gives us choice. We can help our children become more
aware of the selling game inherent in television commercials. We can
even teach them how to mute commercials.
The
family provides natural protection we can all use to fight negative
influences and avoid becoming conditioned.
Belonging gives us stability and a strong sense of self our
whole life long. The more you know who you are, the more you know
who you are not, and the less you can be unconsciously influenced.
The stronger you are in your sense of self, the less power any
influence has because, ultimately, you have to become your own power
and authority figure and trust yourself to know what is good for
you. This is personal power.
Attention
is also power. Energy flows to where we put our attention. As we pay
more attention to life, we become more aware and empower ourselves.
We recognize the influences in the game and decide how we are going
to dance. Opportunities can be recognized and acted upon in a
positive manner. Obstacles can be seen more readily and solved to
guarantee more success. Awareness is the first step. What has the
most influence in your life stream now? Who or what moves your boat?
Jackie
Kosednar is a
hypnotherapist, energy medicine practitioner, personal growth
trainer, and the publisher of Alaska Wellness Magazine. She is also
the author of the book, One
Miracle After Another. See: www.healingtoby.com
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The
Addiction Trap
by
Jackie Kosednar
The
number one illusion is that you have to have it to be
happy—that you can’t live without that special something.
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Why am I still addicted?
Substance
Abuse Psychology is a young science. Even after the advent of Freud and
Jung, who set trends in psychological theory, addicts were a mystery.
And even after the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) movement 50 years later,
alcoholics and other addicts were thought to be untreatable. Today it is
the social addictions (of food, alcohol and nicotine/cigarettes) that do
the most harm because they cover such a large percent of the population.
Smoking is believed to be the number one killer. Obesity (food
addiction) is up on the list, too. And prescription drug abuse climbs
every year.
What causes addiction?
The
debate continues as to what actually causes addiction.
Is it recessive genes, role modeling, availability of substances,
emotional trauma? There are many interesting theories relating to all
these causes, but very few, if any, can explain why ordinary, healthy
people become addicted.
In
truth, all roads lead back to the brain. That’s because the brain is
the one that maintains the addiction. A decade of brain research has
shed much new light on the subject, and addiction is no longer
considered a condition of the weak and wounded. Anyone can become
addicted. Most addiction begins in the gullible, teen-age years. The
tobacco industry targets young teens because their brains are easy to
hook and they will be customers for life.
Motors, myths and illusions
No
one is born with an addictive personality. You have to first become
addicted before you can develop an addictive personality. There is
an addictive process, however, that creates predictable behaviors in
human beings. But something has to start to run that process. It begins
with lies and illusions believed to be the truth.
The number one illusion is that you have to have it to be
happy—that you can’t live without that special something.
In
energy medicine, we look for the energy ‘motors’ that move the
process. The addictive personality will make itself known in anyone
whose addictive substance is at the top of his or her personal priority
list. That means if is necessary to survival, the primitive part of the
brain will make sure you have it. Now you have one of the biggest human
motors running the addiction: the survival instinct.
Every
addictive substance also acts as a motor that fuels the addiction with
its own character and set of behaviors. Illusions abound to justify the
behavior and the addictive loop locks in more as the person identifies
and thinks he or she is the cause of the problems and behavior, not the
drug.
The oh-so powerful human brain
Let’s
use cigarette smoking as an example. Cigarette smoking is the most
efficient way to get a ‘fix’ from the drug nicotine, which is a
deadly poison. To date, cigarettes have killed more people than all the
world wars put together. It is still the number one killer in society
today. Yet, no smoker sees
him or herself as having an intimate relationship with this killer. Nor
will a smoker’s brain allow him or her to see a violation of personal
ethics by supporting a business that targets children. Such is the power
of illusion.
Is it my behavior or drug behavior?
Nicotine
gives an immediate feeling of courage, confidence, and sense that “all
is well.” But nicotine is also an irritant that poisons and destroys
nerve endings, causing the nervous system to become upset and irritated.
The irony is that the smoker believes he or she needs the cigarette to
calm down.
Seven
minutes after the cigarette is out, nicotine levels in the blood drop,
creating withdrawal symptoms: irritability; a vague, restless feeling
that something is missing; and slight feelings of panic. When you
scratch the itch and light up, you get to feel satisfied, courageous and
in control. When this withdrawal is relieved, the addict gets the same
pleasure you might get from taking off a tight pair of shoes. How good
that feels! But would you deliberately wear tight shoes to have that
wonderful feeling of taking them off? Not if you could see what you were
doing!
Some
smokers do this 20 to 30 (or more) times a day. They don’t see that
nicotine is creating the itch that they are scratching. The smoker
thinks he or she can’t live without cigarettes. Why? Because the brain
is addicted to its love object: the cigarette. The cigarette is a shield
or companion. It yields a necessary time out. Smokers actually live in
perpetual withdrawal. They tell you they can’t think without a
cigarette—yet one of the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal is fuzzy
thinking.
The
dynamic is so subtle that most smokers don’t consider themselves
nicotine addicts. There aren’t even many treatment programs for
nicotine addicts because society has brainwashed everyone into believing
it is just a bad habit.
Getting free
Unfortunately,
lies and illusions in the human brain not only create insanity, they
create addiction. Addiction then creates more lies and
illusions—hence, the chain or loop in our thinking. When the brain is
upset or under drug influence, it often begins to reverse things. Lies,
illusions and delusions are accepted as truth and you are out of
contract with reality. Denial can become iron clad.
Through
media advertising, the suggestion of other smokers, as well as personal
brainwashing, the smoker becomes trapped in a cycle that is almost
impossible to break. Until the illusion is busted as the lie it is.
Indeed, recovery from addiction is not possible until the addict “sees
the light.” This happens when the primitive brain finally wakes up and
says, “My God, this stuff is not for my survival!” The brain then
reverses gears; it decides against the addiction and stops fueling it.
When the veils of illusion dissolve, the addict is free—as long as he
or she doesn’t ever go back to the drug.
Seeing
the light is about telling the truth and accepting the truth of “what
is.” The best way to handle an addiction is to begin to look at the
data you are holding about it in your brain—that is, the meaning your
brain has placed on it. Is it true? How do you know it is true? What you
will find is a maze of lies, distortions and illusions. Down through the
ages comes the best piece of advice I know: “Know the truth and the
truth shall set you free”.
Jackie Kosednar is a hypnotherapist,
energy medicine practitioner, personal growth trainer, and the publisher
of Alaska Wellness Magazine. She is also the author of
the book, One Miracle After
Another. She can be reached at 272-2469 or jackie@alaskawellness.com
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